The Fishing Party

One thing I've learnt from living it a small town is that traditions are importnat. At least in this partuclar town. Your year is planned around specific events that happen every year and which can't be missed.

For years and years Castleton held a street dance, always one of the social highlights of the year. Basically, we'd shut off main street for the day, hold a barbecue and corn roast and dance on the sreet. Always fun, but it got cancelled a few years back because the underage drinking got out of control. This is Castleton after all.

Still, there are other yearly events in Castleton that are just as anticipated and tonight is one of them. The fishing party.

Every year, on the first night of fishing season, my godfather holds a party. It starts at midnight, as fishing season officially begins. It's been going on longer than I can remember and is held at the pond that used to belong to his mother and now belongs to his son.

It's one of the highlights of my year. I know, it doesn't really sound like my thing. Standing around in the cold and the dark watching people fish and get drunk. But it's a lot of fun, maybe because everyone's in a great mood.

I've been going for years and years. When I was little and too young to go to the party, my father would go party all night and then at 6 a.m he'd come get me and we'd go fish after everyone else had passed out. Not that I ever caught anything, but...

Then, when I was about 9, my parents and Jim and Anne decided that Jesse and I were old enough to start going to the party at midnight. A couple of the other children in our group went as well, but the main discussion was about Jesse and I.

From that point on, it was something I looked forward to every year. I've only missed two. 2000 because I was seriously grounded. Like house arrest kind of grounded. And I missed 2003 because I was just totally beat and didn't feel up to it. If only I had known that that would be my father's last fishing party...

For me, fishing parties were always something we did together, especialyl since my mother never went. She's not crazy about the great outdoors. It was father/daughter bonding and it's just so hard to think of a fishing party without him. But this'll be my second.

Last year was hard, there's no denying that. He'd been dead only two months and it was one of the first firsts I had to go through. And it was just so strange, I kept thinking he should be there and for a moment forgetting that he was gone. I'm sure that this year, I'll still feel his absence, but that can't be helped.

Still, despite the fact that I'm sure I'll be a little sad, I'm really looking forward to tonight. It's bound to be fun, espeically now that I've been haning with Jesse and his crew so much lately. Last year, I felt a little awkward because for the first time I didn't know as many of the people since it was a lot of Jesse's friends and I hadn't hung out with him in a long time so I didn't know very many of them. But now, I hang out there all the time, so...

Of course there is a little bit of residual awkwardness with stupid males. But hey, if he bugs me, this time I've got an entire pond at my disposal. Now isn't that a nice thought?

Wounds

It surprises me that after over a year, my father's death can still hurt so bad sometimes. Normally, I'm okay, it's a healing wound. Not healed yet, but kind of scabby. It can still bleed when scratched or picked at, but it hurts less than it did when it was raw.

Yesterday was one of those times when it got scratched open and it was done inadverntantly. I ran into an old friend of the family who happens to be wokring where I am now. It had been years since I had seen him and in fact I hadn't recognized him at first.

That part was actually funny. I was talking to one of my friends at work and realizing that the two guys sitting next to her wouldn't know what I was talking about, I explained my remark about the "middle of nowhere" saying that I lived in Castleton. Troy, the old friend of the family, informed me that he knew that since he had known me since I was a baby.

I, of course, was immediately embarassed, though still had no clue who he was until he told me his name, at which point I felt even worse. Since I really had known him all my life. He's about 10 years older me and grew up in Castleton. So it was kind of embarrassing not to recognize him, though it had been about five years since I'd seen him.

Anyway, Troy asked what I'd been doing and I answered politely. Then, this is where the pain comes in, he casually asked "how are Rick and Wanda? I haven't seen them in a while." God, taht hurt, having someone casually ask how my father was.

Of course, I had to explain that Daddy was dead, that he'd been killed in a car accident last year. Troy was horrified of course and quite shocked and dismayed. I mean, no one likes to hear that someone they knew is now dead.

This isn't the first time it's happened, but it's alwyas so hard. I mean, I guess it's natural that there are a few people who didn't hear about what happened and who will thus, casually mention my father, not knowing the pain they inflict.